How I Tried NOT Being An Artist…

Artist Journey

Oct 1

Hello there! And a huge welcome to my first Blog post here at KA Creative Studio!

So now that we’re friends I wanted to share with you the story of how I got to be an artist. It might surprise you but I didn’t always want to be an artist - in fact, I tried hard NOT to become an artist lol for real 😅🤦‍♀️

It started back in grade school. Like many kids in my preteen years, I was pretty self conscious and although I felt (and got confirmation) that I was pretty good at art, if I wasn’t “the best” then I wasn’t convinced. (we won’t even get into this poor mindset of trying to be “the best”).

So come high school, I decided there was no way I wanted to be an artist so I didn’t want to waste my time taking it at all. Turned out, it was the only elective I could take that fit my schedule. So I begrudgingly took it. And hated it. The teacher was terrible and my grades did not reflect my work and had me assuming that meant I wasn’t very good after all. I was able to move away from art the next year but by grade 11 I felt the pull to come back. I had a great two years taking art with an awesome teacher (teachers make such a difference!) and graduated with an award and a sold final painting (yup, my teacher bought my final project).

*Drawings done back in my high school days circa. 2003-2007*

I decided to go to art for university but was still skeptical about making it a career. To be honest, I didn’t think it would be possible.

I loved university but it took me until my third year to start to discover my signature style. I found myself rolling my eyes (in my head) at the critiquing sessions as fellow students went on and on about the meaning behind their pieces. It all sounded like bs to me. I painted elephants because I liked painting elephants, no underlying meaning but I felt I still had to make something up. And that’s what it felt like, like I was always making things up.

I BSed my way through art school and went on to study interior decorating so I could have a “real career”. Again, I wanted nothing to do with art and had no desire to pick up a paintbrush (or palette knife) ever again.

I enjoyed interior decorating, and loved the big city of Toronto but my life was not adding up. I get myself sinking further into a dark hole that I couldn’t pull myself out of.

After a major breakdown I realized I was dealing with my own mental health issues. I had major depression and had probably been dealing with anxiety my whole life.
After getting help, I finally started to feel like I was “waking up” for the first time. I had the urge to paint again. And not because I thought I was good at it so I *should* paint, but because I was finally listening to the pull in my heart and I *needed* to paint.

I moved back to Windsor and started my art classes. I hustled to get the word out and had almost a full class my first session! I was painting pieces I was proud of and even selling some! I started to feel the reasons I was painting and it wasn’t BS anymore. It was my soul speaking and I painted those feelings like poetry on canvas. I had no words for it but that didn’t matter because that’s why I was painting.

And somehow I made it to now where I’m painting full collections, my work in galleries, selling 25+ pieces at art fairs, winning art competitions, and finding my community of fellow artists and art lovers.

I now paint to fill that dark hole, to express that longing, nostalgia, that ache for what we may never know.

My style forces me to let go of control, be vulnerable with expression, creating movement that replicates the turbulent waters of life. It gives me a place to be free, to connect with my soulful ache, and to subside the sadness.